Today, Today, Today is Aria Day

Today marks the day of Aria being in our family for 3 years!

3 years ago today:

And now:

We went to Texas Roadhouse to celebrate her! This photo (sorry, from our phone!) cracks me up!

We love you Aria! We are so happy you are in our family!

Today, Today, Today is Ben Day

Today marks the day of Ben being a member of our family for 1 year!

1 year ago today: 

And now:

We love you Ben! We are so happy to have you in our family!

Today is Birth Mother's Day

There's a very sweet poem at the bottom of the blog that made this video, though I don't personally like each line, the end of it is beautiful.

Now, which of these two women, Are you the product of?
Both, my darling, Both, Just two different types of love.
—- Unknown

 Thinking of you both today, Camille & Suzie.  Though we aren't with you both in person, this house is full of love for you both. Especially today Birth Mother's Day and tomorrow, Mother's Day as you are a mother still - regardless of placing your child. We love you so much, and always will.

P is for Perspective

Isn't it funny how we all see things differently than each other?

“It is a narrow mind which cannot look at a subject from various points of view.”
― George Eliot

When I was younger and played basketball on a team, we had a lesson on perspectives. The season had been heating up with tempers and fierce competitiveness from all of us, as well as some of the teams we played. Punches were sometimes thrown during games among other things. We were often frustrated at the refs for missing so many of these offenses. After one particularly rough game our coach had a special practice scheduled. She put a very nicely decorated gingerbread house (it was near Christmas time) in the middle of the court. She had us all lay on our stomachs circling this house. She then had each of us go around and tell what we could see. One described a door decorated with spiral candies, frosting and icicles. Another described a window with m&m’s lining it. I described the back corner of the house, which was my view, and so on until each of the members of the team had spoken of what they saw. What I saw was not a door, nor a window. I did not see what the others saw, and they did not see what I saw. Yet, we were all looking at the same gingerbread house. She did this especially to help us to understand that the refs may not see what we see.

Moral of the story – though looking at the same thing, we all may see it differently. Or see different parts.

Whether it is seeing one side of an argument and not the other, seeing a situation a certain way that differs from someone else, or even seeing something as an offense when someone else does not.

We all have our own perspective. We are entitled to have our own perspective. Where we fail is when we are unwilling to see from the other perspectives and shout “foul!” when someone does not see it from our perspective.

Sometimes we may even completely see something from another person’s perspective yet they still call “foul!” when your outcome is different. That is because your starting perspectives have been molded from who you are and where you’ve come from. Doesn’t mean we’ll always see eye to eye, but we must try to see all perspectives and remember that one isn’t the only one.

“Some people grumble that roses have thorns; I am grateful that thorns have roses.”
― Alphonse Karr

M is for My Son's Birthday

Yesterday was my Benny Boy's 2nd birthday. Saturday we celebrated it with his Birth/First Family in Idaho. It's always so great to see them. Everyone that could make it, did! Sunday we had a family dinner with my side of the family to celebrate the April birthdays (we have 6. What's 9 months before April? Sheesh!) Afterward, we celebrated with Drew's side of the family. Ben Jam got 3 parties for his birthday this year!

It was so much fun. He got so many awesome gifts from family and friends! Thank you all!

Forever on a Saturday

On Saturday, the 4th, we took our little Benny Boy to the temple and were sealed together as a family forever.

It was such a special day! One we'll remember for always.

The day started out a little rocky with both kids waking up with a fever and runny noses. Ben having a really bad cough too - that caused him to throw up about 5+ times throughout the day. We had a few unexpected set-backs throughout the day, but once we got there, all was well, calm and peaceful. Peggy and Alecia met us there early to take some photos.

At the Temple, when they brought the kids into the room, Aria ran ahead of the youth center workers and ran straight to Alex and Danielle as she waved around the room to everyone. It was very sweet. Ben more slowly looked around the room at everyone. They brought him over to me, and in being unsure of what was going on, he just said "Eyes?" and poked me in the eye. :) During the time in there, he kept looking around pointing our people he knew. Lots of Papa's in the room. He pointed out all 4. He kept going back to "Daddy," "Mommy," and "Yie-Ya (Aria)." It was so sweet!

Afterward we had a little get-together party with all of our family, friends and Birth family! Quite a few of Ben's birth family were able to make it! Birth Mom & Dad S&R, auntie M, Grandma & Grandpa L&L, Grandma & Grandpa D&J, Uncles G&B too! As well as great grandparents that we hadn't met before! It was so neat they could all make it. About a week before, Grandma A was able to come visit as she lives far away now. He remembered everyone that he knew well - and did really good! We show him pictures often, so I was hoping he'd be fine, and he was!

We were finally able to get one with Drew & I, Ben, and R&S. We haven't had one of the 5 of us yet! So happy to have that.

Here are a couple photos from the day. I only got a couple of the party, but Erin and some others took some, thank goodness! We were happy getting a couple where everyone was looking! With 2 two-year-olds, you have no idea what you are going to get! In a few you can see the poor kiddos are sick and pale. :( Please ignore that the photos are low-resolution - Blogger's been giving me trouble loading anything better. :(

Finalization!

Early this morning we had our court adoption finalization for Benjamin. It was so sweet. We had a really great judge and he was so patient with both kids wanting to play.

Some things about the day:
- Court usually is on time. We finally got to go in the court room 1hr 10min late. We had a lot of entertaining to do in the lobby while we waited!
- We learned from Aria's to take photos first. Drew was missing from most of the photos with her because he was down with the clerk and lawyer getting paperwork.
- My favorite part: Aria had run to the back and was with Papa Jan and yelled. Ben was with us at the front and he turned and yelled back. This is something they like to do a lot and they can get themselves pretty wound up and loud when doing this while laughing. Our lawyer was at the stand and started laughing. He told the judge "Cute little exchange from sister to brother!"
- Aria pushed the red emergency button in the elevator! Hahahaha!
- Ben and the judge have the same middle name (it's the one Ben was given by birth parents) - the judge said he doesn't like it. Hope Ben does! The man Ben was named after is pretty awesome, so that'll help him.
- Pretty cold outside - but better than the pouring rain we had with Aria's!
- Ben was really good sitting up front with us. The Judge was very lax about the kiddos - didn't care if they ran around - but Ben was good anyway.
- Drew's Parents, My Parents, My oldest brother Brian, Next oldest brother Paul and family all attended and helped with the kids.
- Our caseworker Melinda and Our lawyer Paul were great!
- Judge Hansen was awesome!

Photos!

The security guards gave the kids deputy badge stickers after going through security. They loved them!

Getting exited! I love how Ben is looking to Aria! He looks up to her so much.

Everybody who came. Thank you all for sharing with us!

Our caseworker Melinda and I catching up while waiting.

Drinking fountain fun while waiting! Look at those tippy toes! Such a beautiful girl.

Exploring while waiting.

This is what waiting with uncle Paul looks like.

Yay! Finally time to go in!

Getting ready to start! Ben sitting so well with us. Aria sitting with Granny behind us.

With the Judge, Lawyer and caseworker.

Parents!

Our little family and the Judge who helped Team Davis become 4 official!

6 Months of Ben Jammin'

Can't believe it's been 6 months already! Tomorrow will be a good day in court. Finalization of his adoption into our family!

6 months ago:

5 Months ago:
4 Months Ago:
3 Months ago:
2 Months ago:
1 Month ago:
Recently:
He's such a cute little guy. He's growing so much every month/week/day!

- He's a pretty good eater! He's only recently becoming a little picky - that comes with his age though.
- He's a rockstar sleeper! Sleeps with his bum in the air too - I love that both my kids did that!
- He adores Aria. She's the coolest thing in the world to him.
- He's learning so much and becoming quite the climber!
- His smile is so sweet!
- He has become a very lovey boy. Hugs and kisses all around now!
- He loves the cats and little dogs. Terrified of big dogs.
- Just recently out of his high chair and into a regular chair all the time.
- Loves to do whatever Aria is doing.
- Loves being tickled by Daddy.
- Does NOT like the snow.
- Has had 8 stitches. :( (that little scar on his forehead - tripped and hit the corner of a wooden chair)
- Loves singing.
- Loves playing the piano.
- Loves to dance.
- Favorite toys are cars, trucks and balls.
- Loves to be Mommy's shadow. He's my mini me!
- Loves to have his picture taken.
- Hates to use his fork or spoon when eating.
- Loves everyone he meets.
- Loves to play around other kids.
- Has become quite a runner. He's gotten sturdy on his feet finally and sometimes does laps around the table just for fun while giggling! Haha!

He is so sweet and can be such fun to be around.

We love you Ben! Thank you for coming to our family. We love your birth/first family so much and love the support they are to us and you. You have so many people who love you dearly.

Love,
Mom & Dad & Sister Aria

Lucky Me!

Kelsey Stewart, a birth mother and author I've grown to love and respect as I've been following her blog and getting to know her better had a drawing for her book and I won!

She's so sweet and real about everything. We chatted a little bit over e-mail and I love her even more!

I've already read the book to my kids. They are still a little bit little to understand, but they loved the pictures and the story.

The Best For You-

"Adoption is about love for the child, not that the child was not wanted. This heart warming book is aimed to help children and parents understand what one birth mother was thinking when she decided to adopt. Written in her perspective, she tells her child the reasons why she chose adoption for her baby. A great conversation starter for parents, or companion book for adopted children to discuss with other children, this is a unique journey for any child of any age."

Thank you Kelsey!

Firsts

I read a lot of adoption related things. A lot. Every day blogs of birth mothers, adoptive mothers, and adoptees.

I have surprised myself in how well I'm handling missing out on Ben's first 14 months of life. I think it's because I know he was well taken care of and VERY well loved. Maybe I would feel more heart-ache if he'd had a hard/traumatizing/bad life - which he did not.

I have, however, felt a little sad I missed out on so many of his firsts. I came across a post (I can't remember where!) which was from an adoptive mom who adopted a 2 year old and said someone once told her to take joy in their firsts with us. That's what I'm focusing on now. I'm accepting things we don't have from both kids. We don't have ultrasound photos (other than 3D ones of Aria a few days before she was born). We don't have the little hospital bands they wore when born. But, that's okay. I can listen to their heartbeats now. It may seem silly that I would miss those things when I have my sweeties - but it's just grieving the loss of not having everything - like people who have biological kids have.

Even though they aren't Ben's firsts, they are OUR firsts together. Halloween this year wasn't his first Halloween - but it's our first together. That's special! The 8 teeth he has gotten in the 3 months we've had him (poor boy!) weren't his first teeth, but first with us. It's totally changed my outlook and I'm so happy for that!

Coming Soon...

Check back mid-November for this! I'm excited to do this! November is National Adoption Month.

Steve Jobs.

I admire people who have made positive improvements on the world. I'm a PC, but I still admire this man. Weird when icons die. Whether you like them or not, (which I do like him) it's still weird.

Steve Jobs talks a little about his adoption in this video.



Thanks R House for sharing!

Favorite quote by him:
"No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven
don’t want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life’s change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary."

Settling In

Things have begun to feel normal now. I have a daughter and a son. That notion is finally feeling real now.

Both Ben and Aria have made such huge strides toward being an awesome big sister/little brother to each other. It's so fun to see them laugh together and play well together. Aria has responsibilities with him that she takes very serious. She is very involved in his night time routine - down to the closing of his bedroom door. If I accidentally do it, it hurts her feelings. I think that her taking on the role of a big sister (both in responsibilities we have given her, and ones she's given herself) has been what has made things the smoothest. If Ben wants a cracker, Aria wants to be the one to get it and give it to him. It's so sweet to watch their interactions like that. Drew and I feel like she's grown up a lot with him around.

Ben is teething his molars and his top eye teeth all at once right now, poor boy!

We had our first "Supervisory Visit" with our caseworker this week. During the time frame between placement and finalization you have 3 with the caseworkers. During these visits they make sure bonding is happening, and that everything is happening appropriately. They also give information such as reminders to get going on finalization paperwork with your attorney. The also answer any questions. It was fun to see our caseworker Melinda since we hadn't seen her since before placement because it was in Idaho.

Swimming lessons ended today. It was slide day - my favorite! Kyle has done an awesome job with Ben. He was so patient with everything. Ben really loves the water. His birth families had him in the water a lot so they got him very comfortable with water. (Thank you!) Aria is an animal in the water! She just wants to swim on her own already. She's a very confident, independent girl. I love that about her. Slide day is Aria's favorite too. Ben, however, not so much. He doesn't like heights very much, and is a little more timid than Aria. I think a lot of it is just the age difference. Last year Aria was a little nervous too, but loved it. This year I had her sit on the slide it's self between my legs and I just held onto her sides. And lifted her up at the end so she didn't go under. I really think next year Ben will like it a lot more. I'm not sure if I'll do structured lessons next year though, probably just on my own until they are old enough to go on their own, then I'll put them back in.

Better every day!

The past few days have been going better and better each day. Ben and Aria are learning where they stand with each other and things are balancing out. They are getting along so much better. Aria is starting to really like him and wanting to share more. On her own, without being asked to. It's so fun to watch them together and see them playing on or with the same things peacefully.

At the pool today Ben called me mama! It felt so good to hear that from him! Angela said he'd just barely started saying things and hadn't said Mom yet. Melted my heart. I teared up.

He's such a sweet, loving boy. His Birth family were so good to him and with teaching him love. He gave me kisses yesterday. I love it!

I love seeing both he and Aria so much happier. They are so cute together in the car and handle being in the car so much better because of each other.

We also had a visit with Ben's birth great-grandparents who have been very involved with him. We just love them. They were in Salt Lake so they came and visited us. I want to claim them as my grandparents too. I just love them so much! Ben was SO excited to see them, and cried when they left. He did well seeing them, and did well after.

Alecia has been coming over most every day helping me. She is such a great little helper and I love having her around!

Aria has been SUCH a great helper with Ben. She loves to feed him! Its very cute watching her act so big.

Adjusting and Bonding

The past couple days have been about just that: Adjusting and Bonding. We got approval to go home 24 hours after placement (we were anticipating up to a week) and we were so excited! We decided to stay for a few more days to help with the transition for Ben.

It was nice to come home and get back to normality - somewhat. The first day was pretty hectic and stressful. Trying to unpack amid helping Ben get to know the place, as well as helping Aria feel like she was getting enough attention, etc. Yesterday was better, and today even better.

Adjusting hasn't been easy, but is going well. For Ben it's going better than we thought. He's starting to come out of the shell he's been in with us. He really started acting more normal and lively tonight. He doesn't love his room yet. He isn't going down to sleep as easily as he used to yet. He's starting to push back when Aria pushes him. For Aria it's been pretty difficult. She's struggling with the change quite a bit. Having a new sibling that steals your toys already hasn't been an easy adjustment for her. We do a lot of things to consciously be working at making things easier for her, and we see it working, but she's still just not liking the change enough yet. It's okay though, she's normal, and this is expected. Drew's adjusting slower than me though. Bonding for him will be a little slower than it will be for me. I've spent a bit more time around Ben, and with being the mom, I'm around him more. Things have been really stressful for me, but it's all going well.

Tomorrow Me, Aria and Ben start swimming lessons. I think he's really going to like it. Aria will for sure. My nephew Kyle is going come with me as this is a parent-tot class and they are with a parent the whole time. He'll have Ben, and me - Aria. Aria wont want to share me, and Kyle will do awesome with him, and he already likes Kyle. He's so sweet to help me. Ben's a bit nervous on slides and heights, so I'm not sure he'll do the big slides on the last day.