Firsts

I read a lot of adoption related things. A lot. Every day blogs of birth mothers, adoptive mothers, and adoptees.

I have surprised myself in how well I'm handling missing out on Ben's first 14 months of life. I think it's because I know he was well taken care of and VERY well loved. Maybe I would feel more heart-ache if he'd had a hard/traumatizing/bad life - which he did not.

I have, however, felt a little sad I missed out on so many of his firsts. I came across a post (I can't remember where!) which was from an adoptive mom who adopted a 2 year old and said someone once told her to take joy in their firsts with us. That's what I'm focusing on now. I'm accepting things we don't have from both kids. We don't have ultrasound photos (other than 3D ones of Aria a few days before she was born). We don't have the little hospital bands they wore when born. But, that's okay. I can listen to their heartbeats now. It may seem silly that I would miss those things when I have my sweeties - but it's just grieving the loss of not having everything - like people who have biological kids have.

Even though they aren't Ben's firsts, they are OUR firsts together. Halloween this year wasn't his first Halloween - but it's our first together. That's special! The 8 teeth he has gotten in the 3 months we've had him (poor boy!) weren't his first teeth, but first with us. It's totally changed my outlook and I'm so happy for that!