C is for Choices

Drew and I have been talking about choices a lot lately. Feels like it's the theme around here this year so far.

Especially focusing in 2 areas. One being that we can't control the choices other people choose to make. No matter what we think of the choice, or how obvious it seems that one choice is clearly better than the other.
The other area being what we can control. We can control the choices we choose to make. We can choose how we decide to react to something and not let someone else choose that for us. And, that we need to do what it takes to make the best decisions we can. Whether it is through research or what-not, we don't want to choose wrong. And, most importantly, choosing to accept responsibility for those actions.

Drew shared with me a speech he is fond of that was given quite a few years at BYU. It's called Accepting Personal Responsibility.

One quote from it I loved:

Don't we all get a little bit fed up in an environment where we are legislated for, told what to do, and sometimes given guidelines that at best are appropriate for the speaker only or for the person telling us what to do but certainly not for us? I want to talk with you about freedom in its most pure form. When you leave to others the decisions that affect you, your self-understanding is diminished, your personal progress is always retarded, and your feelings of self-value are clouded and reduced.

And one more:

Now, while some of these decisions loom large, others may seem microscopic; yet what happens is exciting. Elder Thomas S. Monson reported an experience he had at a stake conference with a projectionist, a man with the surname of Hales. He was showing a movie that was the featured part of a training meeting when suddenly film started spewing everywhere. Elder Monson stood up and asked what was wrong. The young man said, "Elder Monson, I did something really stupid." He didn't blame the machine. He didn't blame the projectionist who had shown the film on an earlier occasion. He didn't blame the film itself. He blamed himself, and Elder Monson reported how he appreciated that type of courage. That young man was not in a blaming posture. He had decided to take responsibility

Thoughts of the day - Eating Habits. Learned? Inherited?

As a family we eat healthy, for the most part. Treats are my downfall. That being said, I wasn't always a good eater.

Was I born that way? How did my parents influence it?

Some people feel it's genetic. As if them being a good eater means their offspring are good eaters. I disagree. And, if they have enough kids, I think they will too.

My parents are great eaters. 6 kids. Some of us were, some were not. I did not like vegetable AT ALL growing up. None. Gagged on peas. Didn't care for salads. Hated green beans. Corn ON the cob has always been an exception for some reason - and tomatoes. My parents LOVE a cooked squash. YUCK!

This drove my parents crazy to no end. I remember once, I about threw up at the dinner table because I "had to take 1 bite before I could get down." My parents did all they could to get me to like vegetables. Tried different ways of cooking it, dipping sauces, etc., to no avail.

What changed? I became an adult and realized I have to learn to like them a bit for healthy reasons. I even had a neighbor a few years ago tell me I was going to die young because I didn't eat enough veggies. Thanks. Everyone wants to hear something like that! Hahaha!

I forced myself to like Green Beans. I figured that's something we can always eat canned or fresh that I'll always like. Quite honestly, I LOVE them now. I LOVE salads now. I'm getting better and better with other ones like corn, asparagus, and others. No thank you on cooked carrots or sweet potatoes though. Oh, or squash. Not sure I'll ever like those. And yes, I've tried them every which way. (Full disclosure, as kids we accidentally killed our pet gerbil by feeding him our sweet potatoes when my parents were out of the room. Died. Seriously dead from Yams.)

I do believe parents can influence healthy eating. Of course. Would I have ever really fully embraced veggies if my parents had never cared? I doubt it. They are good examples and taught me correctly.

So, that's what I am trying to be with my kids. Aria LOVES all veggies. In fact, we haven't found a food she doesn't like. It's just something within her. The same thing that I didn't have even though my parents did. Ben is half and half. His birth family were great with feeding him veggies, and he was the same when he first came to our family. Now that he's getting older and going through phases where he is starting to have more opinions, he is rejecting more. Makes me sad! But, I'm sure he'll come back around as he gets older.

Still, I can't complain. They are great eaters compared to most kids their ages. Drew is a veggie lover. No concerns there, whatsoever. And, I threatened him to never let the kids know that I don't like all veggies. Especially when they are young and it could influence them the wrong way.

If I make a salad, I have a kid instantly sitting on my lap between me and my plate with their mouth open waiting for a bite!

Thoughts of the day - Being Sensitive to... Everyone

Recently Peggy and I had a conversation that basically pointed out to me that I have been being too sensitive and taking offense when none is necessarily intended (No, she didn't do any offending, I was just sharing my feelings with her and she pointed it out).

Then, I read this blog post about a similar thing: BraveGirlsClub.com (seriously worth the read.)

I've had a lot of things happen to me in my life where I've needed to be handled gently. Especially speaking with infertility. One day I'll write down all my feelings and the details of those 6 long years and beyond (as a friend once said: just because you adopt, doesn't mean you aren't still infertile.) It's a daunting task. It does mean, however that I know how sensitive you need to be to people in general.

There is an adoption blog I follow that is pretty popular in the adoption world. The R House. She was on Studio 5 yesterday and posted the interview about being sensitive to those who have have dealt with pregnancy loss. Since I have a close family member who has dealt with this, among many friends too, it especially caught my attention.

I follow a few blogs of people I know or know of who are dealing with things like their children who have cancer, epilepsy, etc. (like this one and this one and a close friend who dealt with it) and that are very open about their feelings an what they are going through. They need to be handled with gentleness.

Many others have things that we just don't know about because they don't wear those signs around their necks.

It's easy to take people's comments hurtfully. Both when they are meant that way, and when they aren't. I've heard all sorts of things (MOST of which just roll off my back, others weasel their way in) like how they get pregnant so easily. Or how the lady down the street got pregnant off InVitro, so that means I will. Or disparaging comments about how my life must be easy because I am a stay-at-home-mom (I'm sure every stay-at-home mom is laughing right now!) Or any number of things I don't need to list.

So... point of all of this - #1: Handle people more gently, you never know what they are going through. #2: Be tougher. When people don't handle you gently, brush it off. Don't let other people decide your worth.

Thoughts of the day.

   This post may be a little rambly. I'm typically a "picture" blogger - blogging about events and the photos from them. But there's so much more to me and our crazy little life. We've made a lot of changes in our life recently, and I need an outlet for expressing who I am, and not just what it looks like from a photo. What sparked this is a few weeks ago during FHE, Drew had the lesson and it was about this talk and afterward, Drew asked me if I feel fulfilled especially since I am a stay at home mom. Am I doing enough for my own personal progression and developing Kristine into a better person, or focusing only on Aria and being Aria's Mom. He reminded me that to be the best mom, I need to be the best Kristine. If I want to pass on as much knowledge and skills I can to my children, I need to have learned them. I've been focusing on things I want to teach my children (Aria and future children). Along with that, I decided once a week I will tell about something going on with me personally, changes I have made, or things I have learned or think. My opinions matter. They are worth something.

  I've made being healthier a top priority. Drew and I used to be quite healthy and slim all our lives until we started dealing with infertility. Anyone who's gone through it knows first hand what I am talking about. It was a time frame riddled with medications, anticipation, stress, and disappointment. It does not define who I am in any way, but it took it's toll on my body. It also created some bad habits - like creating a love for chocolate that I did not have before hand. *cursed brown treat of the gods!* :)
   So, we've been eating better. And exercising more. I work-out/run 3-4 times a week with my ever patient brother-in-law who deals with my scheduling issues on an almost daily basis. Drew has been running on the treadmill too. We got rid of treats for the most part at our house. On rare occasion we may have a little cookie. We rarely eat out, and if we do, it's a healthy choice. I'm not at all interested in being a vegan or only eating raw things - as I don't believe that is the best way to go either. Moderation in all things. And salads. Salads all the time. I used to hate salads very often. The fix? Croutons.
   Being healthy has made me feel so much better about myself. I've already lost 11 lbs. I'm fitting into some of my favorite clothes that haven't looked good on me for some time. I'm seeing myself in photos and not being embarrassed. I've stopped comparing myself to others. I've stopped hating the scale. I can actually say: I LOVE WORKING OUT! I never thought I would say that. I remember my friend Erin (who is an awesome aerobic instructor that will KILL you) saying that she used to hate working out and decided she would just do it until she loved it. She now loves it. She's the most physically active person I know. I'm on my way to fully understanding that!
   Why did I decide to do this? First and foremost for myself. I didn't like what I saw in the mirror below the neck. I didn't like what I saw in photos. Secondly, for my family. I know that the more active we are, and the more normal it is in our lives, the more normal it will be to our children. I believe they will be more active and healthy when it's what they are used to. Funny how much kids can make you want to be a better person!   

   What fun is a post without a single photo? Now that's one cool girl!